Oggi parliamo anche noi di papà, o meglio: di papà che giocano a fare le mamme e scopriamo come nasce in loro questa "sindrome della donna mancata", e già una vera e propria esigenza di sentirsi donne (e la mamma ne è la massima espressione) mettendo in serio pericolo di estinzione l'insostituibile della figura maschile del papà .
Ma dove sono finiti i veri papà? Quelli che lasciavano le cure alla mamma e s'impegnavano di più nell'educazione e nell'insegnamento dei figli, senza mai intromettersi in aspetti puramente materni. Bè per fortuna ce ne sono ancora molti in giro e non si mettono di certo a competere con le mamme dei loro figli!
Lately we hear
obsessively talking about fathers, "reassessment" of the father figure of funny phenomenon puzzled though I still wonder who did never discredited or called into question and sadly I realize that .... have done everything ourselves, to them, the fathers separated a little frustrated, let us say.
But let's see the argument with clarity and objectivity start with the law on custody of young children to 50% among parents.
Law as we know it is creating many difficulties in its application almost everywhere, amplifying the problems of families in crisis instead of solving them, as was naive to the aim of those who proposed and signed. But why
do not let the people decide things, because we relate so closely?
Anyway, back to Dad, good ones and bad ones.
removing the high proportion of violent young men (and if you consider the physical abuse, sexual and emotional abuse are already approximately 15% of the fathers, of course, in dramatic percentage increase since these individuals have the opportunity to be more time alone with their children) remain a high percentage of men who would never directly to the children of evil but that does not lead to a kind of living adequate for the daily care of their children by themselves, ie without the mother side.
are, for example many men who have a disproportionate use of alcohol unwittingly putting in danger the lives of children left in their custody. Or
men, so-called "eternal Peter Pan" they do that is social life and even forty years, although generally very cheerful and friendly, inadvertently expose children to hazards seemingly invisible, their houses are a bustle of always new people or women, take them around to late hours or leave them on the first friend who happens to come out even with a new flame.
Then there are those men, and there are many near-perfect dad I say almost because I'm beautiful, but as parents da soli occuparsi di uno o più figli è spesso un carico troppo grosso per loro (anche se non lo ammetterebbero mai!). Questi papà spesso hanno una mole di lavoro molto alta, tornano stanchi e, se hanno lavori di responsabilità, tornano anche preoccupati o concentrati su dinamiche lavorative, e così involontariamente trascurano i figli che aspettano di giocare con loro o anche…di mangiare una bella cenetta invece di due fettine di prosciutto rimediate all’ultimo come fanno in tanti.
E così, questi ultimi padri ovviamente si fanno sempre aiutare da terzi : in primo luogo la propria madre alla quale li lasciano spesso, oppure le proprie compagne (che magari cambiano spesso, può succedere), o anche le proprie sorelle o spesso anche delle tate, baby-sitter insomma.
E allora in questi casi mi domando: ha senso avere delle vice-mamme quando una mamma i bambini ce l’hanno già?
Molti diranno che lo stesso discorso vale allora per le mamme single ma invece sappiamo tutti che non è così: le mamme, anche quelle che lavorano, hanno delle risorse in più che gli uomini non hanno per la cura dei figli. Come d'altronde gli uomini hanno delle risorse in più per certi tipi di lavoro, quelli per esempio che richiedono maggior resistenza o forza fisica.
Siamo diversi: gli uomini e le donne non sono sempre intercambiabili, altrimenti saremmo delle lumache and humans: the snail is a hermaphrodite animal is neither male nor female, and everyone is bisexual.
I do not feel like a slug, and you? I think you will feel even snails!
Men are proud to be male, and women are proud of being female and it is so wonderful, why "play" to reverse? And above all: why do it at the expense of their children? For pride? Out of spite?
to test themselves and say "I am a super man are so man ... I can make a woman! Can I also think a little mom '"?
Perhaps unresolved sexual identity crisis? To delusions of omnipotence? Or for not paying child support?
Well, dear people, I am a woman and I love men but please: keep up the men who are much more beautiful, keep up the good fathers to improvise rather clumsy and distracted mothers, men are far more fascinating and more sexy if you ask.
And finally we come to the rare class of men "suitable" shared custody: it is obvious that should not be part of the categories mentioned above (which, after subtracting violent fathers must still be present even if not a lead content of living adequate for the basic needs of children).
The remaining few fathers should first choose a house close to the ex-wife should do a job that involves them too: if you physically tired too poor things can not stand the hard work again on the evening of running after the children, if it stresses them too likely to be mentally distracted and nervous with the kids.
should then have a peaceful relationship with the mother of the children and, if need be able to withstand some of his excessive care or recommendation (it is natural that we want to do!).
should always have in his head to be fathers and mothers so that when their children are not a substitute for their mother, but things that give them different, those who already know a good father.
And then they should ask every day if these poor children so sballottolati for the unique needs (or resentments) of the parents are really happy , but you'd like to ask that life for your children? E 'is also right that you see them every day your children, maybe give yourself an hour a day with them, organize them in some way because they need you this is obvious, but let them live in one house, let them live in peace will thank you and you will see.
E 'for the check that you do it? Then tell the truth in the courts: if you can not afford a continuation discuss to decrease in the most appropriate means any conscientious mother-son junction in front of the money, chooses the path to the money while also giving up his son to give his son a peaceful life as possible. If checks are too expensive for you then Strive for that, but not deceived the problem with compulsive methods at the expense of children, as a forced joint custody even if this creates confusion and frustration for children. And of course this argument also applies to the small group of mothers venal but dreary.
In conclusion: the exclusion of all the above categories, namely the violent first course, then the alcohol and the unwary, but all those I have referred to simply "Inadequate" the daily responsibilities of raising a child in the most appropriate to his age and then the fathers-Peter Pan, the relentless work, the stress, Don Giovanni, etc.. that is all potentially good but if those fathers side has the support of a woman (the mother of their children) who is in charge of their care, but when the relationship ends alone are not then able to sustain such a big responsibility (this gift exclusively breast) and is therefore not appropriate for children to live half the time with them, even if it is essential that they continue, however, a strong relationship with them, but let them live with their mother.
Question: how many fathers are idonei per un affidamento condiviso a regola d’arte?
Pochi, davvero pochi.
E allora si può fare una legge da applicare universalmente quando poi oltre all’impossibilità materiale di concretizzarla c’è anche un’indisposizione naturale ad applicarla, indisposizione che penalizza alla fine tutti e tre: madri, figli e anche i padri (che ci guadagnano solo economicamente, perché per il resto….è solo una gran fatica per loro!).
Sono pochi, davvero pochi i casi in cui questa utopistica regola può aver buon esito.
I bambini non sono felici di fare la vita da nomadi : recenti studi hanno dimostrato che i bambini che cambiano soventemente home (for other reasons) then future relationship difficulties, as well as learning disabilities and more.
The children have two parents yes, but they need a cave to shelter every night, waking up every morning and where: we respect our children and their needs then.
I'm sure many fathers and wise (and the majority thankfully) fully agree with my words.